I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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