you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
