just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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