i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
