i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
