Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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