he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize