next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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