Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
