the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
