Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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