what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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