this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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