She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I stole a fireplace last night.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
