My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize