My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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