I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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