I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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