Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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