as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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