Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
