Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She bit a glass in half.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
