I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
