i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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