who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
