I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
