Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
