I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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