its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize