I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sundayâ€
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