I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
