he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just blew my weed a kiss
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
