i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
