just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
