So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
