Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
