Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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