Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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