"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
