bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
