That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
