I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
