Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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