my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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