i think i have herpe
just one?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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