Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
