It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
