I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
