Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
