you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
