Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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