I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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