yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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