I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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