on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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