"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
