Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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